Tuesday, June 22, 2010

To the Director of Mosquito Incorporated

Dear Sir,

I wish to file my complaints against the prejudice demonstrated by your domestic and international employees. I write this letter to serve as a testimony against the unjust actions of your blood collectors.

1st Offence: Alfalfa Fields, Sanpete County, Utah:
When I was just a nymph I followed my father into the beautiful green alfalfa fields; my duty was to help him by unhook the ball from the socket in the irrigation pipes. Yet, as I did so there was a constant buzzing in my ear. Soon the humming turned into gnawing small bumps appeared on my skin. I found my job difficult as I tried to scratch and unhook the pipes simultaneously. At first, I figured if I treated your folk nicely they'd would leave me alone after a year or two; however, they only increased their demand for the volume of my blood. I escaped your collectors in 2002 when I left for college. Still, on the occasional visits to fields since then I find your employees more vicious, as if I had offended them by my absence.

2nd Offence: Sao Leopoldo, Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil:
I arrived in Brazil about five years ago. I planned to serve others and go about doing good. When I moved to a new city, Summer was showing itself to the city of Sao Leopoldo. My apartment (described by the Elders as the best ever) had a moldy fridge, no dresser or closet and only one bed. While I do not blame my poor circumstances on you, I do use it as a framework to show how heartless your employees were to me in my helpless state. The first evening I spent there, the heat was unbearable; yet, to make things worse the familiar buzzing and gnawing returned like a childhood nightmare. I had about 20 bites by morning. My colleague (native to the country) none. The following night, I received 100 more! Your employees refused my pleas to "go away!" They caused me embarrassment as the natives believed I had pugas (fleas). Still, the person I lived with continued to receive no bites. Luckily, I was saved by a fan and blew your employees away.

3rd Offence: Stillwater, Payne County, Oklahoma:
Now, it has been many years since the last serious offence. For the past four years I have been nibbled on occasionally, but I have not minded making occasional donations to your company. Yet, when I decided to go play soccer with my friends last Saturday, once again your collectors seemed to select me above the rest. I received more than 10 bites in less than an hour and have been relentlessly scratching ever since. I have bumps on my arms and bumps on my legs. Since then I have noticed I receive more bites as I walk to work in the morning. I must demand that such injustice cease. I have paid my dues, please remove me from your collectors list.

The victim of your employees,
Tamra Watson

1 comment:

megnm said...

Although I am sure it isn't really funny, I enjoyed your post. I enjoyed it most probably because I absolutely hate things that fly and I feel like they are attracted to me just like it seems specifically mosquitoes are attracted to you lol.